I Don't Miss....

So, yes, I am an avid Zionist. But even I have to admit that no matter how much I enjoyed our trip back home there are things I can do without.

Let's start out with; I don't miss winters in Israel.
I mean, I don't miss the Israeli mentality when it comes to winter. Yes, in general Israel is a warm country, but the that doesnt contradict the fact that it does get cold, it lasts for more than just a day and it is worth it to invest in heating and the like.

So, on that note:

- I don't miss not being able to control how long my heater is on for.
- I don't miss not having heat at night.
- I don't miss having to buy another heater for each bedroom to put next to the already existing and perfectly working heater in order to solve the aforementioned problems.
- I don't miss restaurants who think that just because it's crowded it means we must need the air conditioner, even if it's only 10 degrees Celsius outside.
- I don't miss windows/doors that don't really close and let through a nice cold breeze.
- I don't miss being woken up in the middle of the night by rattling windows/doors.
- I don't miss not being able to walk pas a garbage container without being overcome by the sudden urge to throw up.
- I don't miss being afraid to walk through certain neighborhood, because my accessories might be considered pritzus.
- I don't miss living in a city where the rush hour seems to last all day.
- I don't miss living in a city where the taxi prices depend on whether or not it's raining.
- I don't miss big corporate companies that only really help you if you know the right people or if they find your kids very cute.

I could probably go on and on, but I won't. Cause in the end, it all doesn't matter. Most of these can be solved and the rest one just learns to live with. The fact is that the list of where I live now is much, much longer. And even if it wasn't, the pros outweigh the cons by a long shot. I'm still counting down the minutes till we can move back.

I will make a list of all the positives sometime soon. But right now I'm focusing on the negative so as not to be even more bummed out we're not in Israel anymore.

Homely Experiences

We've returned home. At least for a very short time.
It has been interesting to say the least.
Whenever we return, there are always things that make you feel at home and sad you left. Yet there are also always those things that make you feel kinda glad you don't live here anymore, as much as you'd like to deny that feeling.
But none of my feelings compare to what my oldest has been going through. She has been drilled in gan that though it is cold and snowy by us, it's actually nice and warm in Israel. So shock number 1 came when it was not only raining on and off but it actually started hailing as well. How was this possible in the land where she's supposed to be able to go out in a t-shirt.
Then she realized that our shopping experiences are much more fun here. At home, we spend half the time with her asking me if something is kosher and me having to respond with a clear no followed by some whining. She has been preparing our trip to Israel by pointing out every ice cream she intends to eat here. So, you can imagine her joy when her ever present question was answered affirmatively.  She was ready to buy the whole store!
Her next surprise came when the man in front of the store wanted to check her bag. And in a way, I'm happy she's growing up in a world where one doesn't have to worry about such life threatening things. I'm glad she's still innocent of such dangers and that bombs going off while you're shopping isn't something she can even come close to comprehending.

As for me, I'm glad to be back.
On the one hand it feels like home. It is all so familiar and even though some things I could obviously do without (like a random man yelling at us for no apparent reason). Yet, on the other hand so much has changed. All the buss routes have changed. I have no clue how to get where I need to go and on the off chance that a familiar line does drive by it ends up I should have taken the same number but with an aleph, not the one without. So I end up walking a lot, which is a good thing given all the food I have been enjoying. Food, that's another good point. I know it's so touristy of my, but I'm enjoying the food so much. We basically have one kosher restaurant back home and it's really not that good. So after once or twice, you really don't want to go back there for a long time. So yes, I'm being a good tourist and enjoying all the great food. Or even just simple food like cereals, cold cuts and cheese. Yum.
So I'm off now to enjoy some more.
I'll check in another time with some more experiences of our wonderful trip.

An Ode to All Single Parents

How do they do it?

Seriously, besides all the day to day stuff. What about the exceptionally hard days. We all have them, especially when the kids are little and not able to take care of themselves.

I know that mom's are just not allowed to get sick, but will someone please tell that to my body, it seems to not have gotten that email.
I've been sick the last few days with a stomach flu. Of course it started the second my husband left for tefila in the morning. I sat there, with terrible stomach spasms for more than an hour, trying to somehow keep the kids happy. My 4 year old was really trying to entertain her little sibling so I wouldn't have to. But who was taking care of me? I desperately needed some water, but couldn't even move. So I kept holding on to the fact that my husband would be home soon. I forgot he prayed at a shive house that morning, so it took much longer and of course his phone was still off.
But when he finally did come home, he became superman, taking care of everyone and everything. Any I just lay there thinking, what if he hadn't been here. What if I was all alone, in terrible pain, with a few little kids who's life doesn't stop when mommy's does. What would I have done then?

Now, I have to say, sadly, my being sick lasted more that just that Sunday and I did find out what it's like to have to deal with the kids by myself while being sick. Granted, I could now get up and move around somewhat, but let me tell you, it involved A LOT of TV time. But still, my husband would get home in the evening and take over again.

So this post is an ode to all those who manage to do it all by themselves.
Here's to you!

Tough Times

When something good happens to us, we love to share that with our family and friends. Good news is nice to give and nice to receive, but mostly, it is easy to pass on and easy to respond to.

It's the not so good news, however, that we tend to keep to ourselves. It's never nice telling people something bad, even if it doesnt affect the recipient. In fact, even if it isnt bad news, but simply something a little less perky and upbeat than usual, we would maybe tell our closest friends. I mean, who really answers "How are you?" honestly, all the time?

And the irony of it all is that we need our friends the most when the times get tough.
I've been going through a rough patch (nothing that bad, just too much at once) and sometimes feel like I'm barely coping with day to day life. Of course there are people who could help us out, but these people don't know that there is anything to help out with. Yes, we could share what's going on, but we really don't want to. So the only thing I can do is try and live as normally as possible and hope I don't step on too many toes during my balancing act.

A Glimpse into our Future?

Tniut is a very tricky thing.
First off, there aren't clearcut guidelines on a lot of tsnius aspects. Which on the one hand makes it very tricky to know if you're doing the right thing, and of course allows for a lot of misinterpretation.
Tsniut is dependent on your community, your minhag and mostly your notion of what feels tsnius.

Personally, I have noticed my standards change depending on whether I am in chul or in Israel. It's not the length of my skirt or that of my sleeves that change. In general, one dresses down a bit in Israel. I just put on whatever mitpachat suits my outfit best (lets face it, no matter how dressed down, it still has to match) and that's it. Here in chul I'm much more conscious of what goes on my head, since I don't want to stand out too much. But besides that, I find myself wearing jewelery and shoes that I wouldn't wear in Israel. So yes, tsnius does depend a lot on whether you'll stand out or not. At least for me it does. My hoop earrings would really have made me stand out in my yeshuv in Israel, but here, they just make me look as fashionable as everyone else. Same goes for my high heals

But in the end, I think it's very important to remember that not standing out doesnt mean becoming invisible (as much as the critics of orthodox Judaism would like you to believe otherwise). Women are allowed to look nice, be beautiful even. Yes, sexy is out, but that doesn't mean you have to dress in a big potato sack and lose all your individualism.

I wouldn't usually preach about tsniut. Yes, I believe it's important, but I respect that it's a very private and as I have already mention, personal aspect of our lives that no one has the right to impose on anyone else. However, with the burka/shawl trend that is seemingly becoming popular in Israel, I feel we orthodox women have to take a stand. The above mentioned women hide the bodies and faces of themselves and their daughters and are seemingly ever more layered than their Muslim equivalent. Therefore, we should be telling these overzealous women and the rest of the world that this is not what Orthodox Judaism is about and that it is wrong.

In fact, people are outraged, the eidah chareidit has denounced this practice and there are lots of discussions going on. However, is it such a surprise that this is happening? The separation between men and women in chareidi society is bigger than ever. Pictures of women have already disappeared from chareidi magazines and newspapers. The name Tsipi (Livini) will not be used since it is too familiar. And during the elections, there were big problems with the posters that contained her picture. Is it then so weird that these burka women have gotten the impression that they are meant to not be seen and try to disappear all together? Is this not the same as young girls wanting to be skinny, because that is what they are being taught in their magazines?
Maybe this phenomenon should not merely be condemned, but rather examined closely. Maybe, it is an inevitable outcome of the shift to the right in the ultra-orthodox world. And maybe it is the wake-up call we all needed to tell us this must stop, not every chumra is for the better. And if we don't hear the alarm, maybe, just maybe in 50 years our grandchildren might actually be walking around like this.

My Daily Dilemma

Sorry for the absence, but I've been on a little break (yes, a point for chul: winter vacation).
I've been enjoying the mountain air (did you know it can make you extremely sleepy), the snow and the my children. My oldest has been learning how to ski and it has been quite a succes (not to mention extremely fun to watch).

The one thing that has been harder this week (besides my husband's absence) has been dinner. Actually, if I'm completely honest, dinner is always a little problematic for me. I don't mind the cooking, really, but I find it so hard to come up with new (or even old) ideas all the time. When I google quick and easy recipes, they dont seem quick and easy to me at all. I'm one of those people that tends to forget it's dinner time till about half an hour before we should be eating (an usually I only remember because my youngest is getting cranky and after trying several things I realize it's because she's hungry. And of course, making dinner with a cranky and hungry child just adds to the challenge). So now my problem is thinking of a dish that can be made quickly with the things I have at home. And believe me, this is a challenge. I even find it hard on the days I just went shopping and I'm all stocked up. Most easy recipes go as follows: Take chicken, add chicken sauce, put in oven etc. Now, chicken sauce is not an option for me. Yes, I could buy it at the kosher store. But first off, it's extremely expensive and second, I try to be minimally dependent on product one can only get at the kosher store. Yes, I can make my own sauce, but truthfully, we don't really eat meat during the week, it's simply too expensive. Yet, even if that wasnt an issue, my biggest issue is that I dont think of it in time. The same goes for fish. Since I don't plan ahead, there isnt enough time for such things to defrost. I know lots of people use the microwave. I'm just not that sure how mine works when it comes to defrosting, plus, with my sensitive stomach it just isn't worth the risk.
So meat is out. Fish sometimes works since it defrosts really quickly. But mainly I make milchig. Which really really limits me. Quiche is problematic, since I have to make the dough myself (another one of those only in the kosher store products, plus it's frozen). That leaves pasta, soup and a few other dishes.
So, this is my dilemma. Anyone have any suggestions how to better my daily dilemma?Am I the only one who is never really helped by all the quick and easy recipes out there?
I've tried to think of what we're going to eat the evening before and even discussing it with my husband, but in reality it doesnt really happen. New recipe ideas that fit the bill are also very much appreciated!

Chanuka Enlightenment

One of the big differences of living in chul as opposed to Israel this time of year is of course which holiday is being emphasized. In Israel, one can't get around it being chanuka. Everywhere there are chanuka decorations, sufganiyot, chocolate money, chanuka music and of course the beautiful sight of chanuka candles in everyone's window sill.
Now, anyone who has been to chul this time of year knows that the streets are filled with tiny glittering, golden lights (one of the things I always missed in Israel, I have to admit), giant green trees decorated in perfectly aligned color schemes and a red and white bearded fellow carrying lots of presents.
Growing up in chul I have learned to put up with the big fuss that is made out of the birth of Jesus (let's not even get into how Santa Claus and his reindeer are even remotely related to this). I have also learned that my holiday is completely obliterated. I can except that my holiday isn't on full display and it is quite understandable given that we Jews really are a tiny minority where I live (unlike in NY, where you can buy anything chanuka related in almost any store).
However, the fact is that in most European countries things like Chanuka arent simply hidden because it isn't relevant to the majority of people. Rather, it is hidden because we Jews still feel the need to hide our identity. A few weeks ago a prominant Dutch politician Frits Bolkestein remarked that all Jews that are outwardly identifiable as such should move to Israel or America, since he sees no future for them in Holland. This statement caused a huge outrage amongst other Dutch public figures. Some question his sanity (he is getting old), while others like Geert Wilders simply replied that the anti-semitic Muslims should leave, not the Jews. I, and many with me, do not believe Bolkestein is trying to take the easy way out. He is simply identifying a major problem in a country that prides itself on being so progressive, open and tolerant of everyone (think gay rights). I am glad that Bolkestein has started this debate and that even the Jews there are starting to realize that the way they are forced to live their lives is not as it should be in a first world country.
The only thing I don't understand is why it has taken everyone, especially the Jewish community, so long to realize this. One of the reasons I left my European country was because I knew I was not safe there as a Jew, Granted, in Israel one isn't either, but there one is in the majority. There one can stand up and fight for oneself. There one knows the enemy. Whereas where I grew up, we lived a contradictory life. On the one hand we were told things were different now. People had learned from the Holocaust and this would never happen again. They are set on making it up to us. This country is tolerant. People here are open-minded and well educated. Jews no longer have to live in fear. There is a flourishing Jewish community, with synagogues and Jewish schools. Yes, this was all true, to an extent. My mother taught me never to tell strangers I was Jewish, for one can never know how they might react. I grew up in a neighborhood that called the cops, the Jews. Even in the capital, whith the biggest Jewish community of about 20000 people, men cant walk with kipot outside of the small suburban area where they mostly live (and this has been like this at least all my life). The schools, synagogues, youth movements and any other organized Jewish event was always guarded by several shomrim. The schools are fenced in, with cameras everywhere. We learn to live with them, but what is most problematic, we learn to accept them. We trick ourselves into thinking that we are the same as everyone else. Really, is there any other minority group that has to hide who they are in public? That has to cage themselves in? That has to surround themselves with armed men?
I saw this country for what it was and left.
However, it is only recently that I saw how different things can be. Chanuka has just passed us by, yet it wasn't ignored at my work. Though here also, only a small minority is Jewish, the children learned about Chanuka, the menora and the dreidel. I can be a Jew, without having to hide anything and without having to explain much. My daughter goes to daycare there and the staff has looked into kashrut (of their own accord). I get to leave work early on Fridays without any fuss. Same goes for any of the holidays.
Actually, what shocked me most was my own attitude. I started there presuming I would have to somewhat hide my identity. I bought a sheitel, so as not to stand out. I tried to hide the fact that I was doing netilat yadayim and bentching. I still do somewhat. I've had to learn to let go, to be open and to not be afraid of letting people know who I am and what I stand for. And all I can conclude is how ironic it is that this is the mentality I was taught by my progressive, modern and enlightened Western country.